Vegas is predicting "WILD" roadies win out this weekend

I found this very interesting when I first saw the lines come out for this weekend's NFL playoff games. According to Las Vegas, the division winners will make perfect hosts for their wild card opponents this weekend. Every wild card entrant is favored even though they are all playing on the road. I don't have the Elias sports bureau working for me, but I'd have to guess that this is the first time in NFL history that this has happened. Here's what Vegas currently has posted for this weekend.

HOME	LINE	AWAY
Arizona	+2'	Atlanta
San Diego	+1'	Indy
Miami	+3	Baltimore
Minnesota	+3	Philly

Winning a division just isn't what it used to be.

The day the music died

I was watching NFL greatest games on ESPN over the weekend and they were playing the 1998 NFC wildcard game between the 49ers and the Green Bay Packers. I'm sure you all remember the game. OWENS! OWENS! OWENS! That should ring a bell. It was one of the greatest plays in 49ers history. Some have even come to calling it the CATCH2. However, THE CATCH led to the 49ers dynasty of 5 super bowl victories. The CATCH2 marked the end of that dynasty and the start of the 49ers decline to the atrocity we have today. So I ask the question....What if Terrell Owens drops that pass and the Packers win the game? Physicists claim that their are multiple universes which hold every different outcome of every event that ever happened. Let's peer inside that parallel universe where Owens does not make the catch and see what happened. I've broken this down into the key players and coaches to see how each would have been affected by Owens dropping just one more ball in that epic game.

Steve Mariucci

In the words of the immortal Donald Trump, You're Fired!!! Mariucci is sent packing as soon as Young's pass falls to the ground. Mariucci was on the hot seat going into the game and all fingers pointed to the exit if the 49ers didn't win. However, Mariucci doesn't sit idly for long. After coming off a dismal 3-13 season and firing Ray Rhodes, the Philadelphia Eagles quickly swipe up Mariucci. Mariucci has limited success with the Eagles and the tough Philly fans run Mariucci out of town after only 2 seasons. Fans scream at Eagles ownership over talk radio that they should have hired Andy Reid instead. Today, Steve Mariucci is the head coach of the UCLA Bruins after taking over for Karl Dorrell. The Bruins are still getting smacked down by the Trojans, but things are starting to look up for the Bruins after hiring defensive co-ordinator Mike Singletary. Mariucci and Owens have lunch together every Thursday.

Terrell Owens

After crying his eyes out (in sadness this time), Terrell falls into a deep, deep depression. I'm talking Sylvia Plath meets Kurt Cobain kind of darkness. He can't regain his confidence after his fragile ego was shattered from dropping the winning touchdown. He attends 49ers training camp the following season, but he can no longer catch the football. Every time he drops the ball during practice, he immediately curls up in the fetal position and wails for 10 minutes. You would think that he was a european soccer player that just got knicked in the shin. The 49ers hire multiple sports psychologists, but each one comes back with the same diagnosis: "Big Pussy Syndrome" or BPS. Definition: The man is too weak minded to handle a pressure filled game like NFL football. One of the psychologists, John Sherman from Virginia Tech Sports Psychology,made the analogy that "it was like putting the family dog in with a pit bull".

The 49ers release T. O. in the summer of '99. Multiple teams take a chance on him by trying him out, but it always ends up the same way. Terrell sucking his thumb with tears streaming down his face. Today, T. O. can be found at the UCLA mental health facility wandering the halls muttering something about his roommate and the guard having a secret agreement to not let him have any meat loaf.

Mike Holmgren

After coaching the Green Bay Packers to a victory in Super Bowl XXXIII over the Denver Broncos, Mike Holmgren declined Seattle's offer and returned home to the Bay Area to become head coach and general manager of the 49ers. He signed a 10-year contract with the niners and both sides were very excited about the future. The Holmgren led 49ers won 2 out of the next 3 super bowls. However, more importantly, in 2000, Holmgren with consultation from Bill Walsh, drafted a young unknown Michigan quarterback from local Serra High School named Tom Brady. Walsh was quoted as saying "He reminds me of Joe when he was at Notre Dame. A skinny kid with that gleam in his eye that no matter the odds against you, he's going to pull it out in the end."

After Steve Young retired following his MVP performance in Super Bowl XXXVI, Brady and Holmgren continued the 49ers dynasty up to present day, winning 3 super bowls and barely missing a 4th. Everyone remembers Peyton Manning's 90 yard bomb in Super Bowl XLI to Marvin Harrison with 10 seconds left to keep the 49ers from winning an astonishing 6th super bowl during the decade. Holmgren's contract is up for renewal this year. Let's hope the 49ers are smart enough to keep him around. However, if Holmgren decides to retire, offensive co-ordinator Andy Reid has expressed interest in taking over the reigns. 49er owners Steve Young and Brent Jones decline to comment.

Kissing your sister is unAmerican

Go Sharks! The immortal call of the bandwagon sharks fan, Ralph Barbieri. Listening to Ralph pump the sharks on a daily basis got me to thinking of why this team, that has been quite successful over the past several seasons, doesn't get more love from the Bay Area. All the other local professional sports teams suck as much as being O. J. Simpson's publicist. So why can't the sharks get any respect in the Bay Area? Our local papers don't carry them. The local newscasts, if there is time after covering the Raiders, 49ers, Warriors, and off-season stories on the Giants and A's, will mention, in passing, whether the Sharks won or lost and if you're lucky, a score. Even comcast sports will push the shark's games to alternative stations so that they can show another awe-inspiring Warriors collapse. The sharks are the bay area's red-headed step child that fell down the well. Lassie's barking, but nobody cares. Why?

I'm not saying this is the whole issue, but get rid of all the rules around the points system. The NHL vanquished the most horrible, dreadful, kissing your sister outcome of the TIE in 2005-2006, but instituted a confusing and non-American 2-point, 1-point, no-point standings system. What is this system? 1-point just cause you tried real hard and made it to overtime. Is that like taking the fat girl home? This is not Europe. Go away with your soccer standings. In America, we win or we lose(shhhh.....I know the NFL has ties, but pretend you're all Donovan McNabb for the next few minutes). We don't get points for that win. We get a "W". If we lose, we get an "L". We don't need to do any fancy math like subtraction and multiplication to see where we are in the standings. We have a nice column that says GB. If that number is 5, then we need to win 6 more games than the team ahead of us and then we are ahead of them. Simple.

Think quick.... the sharks are ahead of the Ducks in the standing by 5 points with 5 games to go in the season. How many possible outcomes can their be over those next 5 games that allow the sharks to be in first, the ducks to be in first, or for them to be tied for first? Makes my brain hurt.

Now, the Giants are ahead of the Dodgers by 3 games with 4 to play and the announcer tells you that the Giants magic number is 2. OK, ok. You get it. The fact that we can even have a "MAGIC" number automatically makes our system better. Who doesn't like magic?

The NHL needs to do away with the 1pt,2pt,0pt crap and go to W's and L's like the Big 3. NHL overtime should be played like the playoffs. A full period of 5 on 5 hockey played to sudden death, not 4 on 4 for 5 minutes then a shootout. If you don't score that period then you play another one. Yes, there will be times when the games will run deep into the night, but isn't that what makes the NHL playoffs so great. A MLB game can theoretically last forever, but at the start of the 10th inning the defense isn't forced to remove their shortstop and they sure as hell aren't going to start the 12th with a home run derby.

I was 14 years old the night I became a hockey fan when I stayed up to watch Kelly Hrudey make 73 saves and Pat LaFontaine fire a shot past Bob Mason in the 4th overtime period of Game 7 of the Capitals-Islanders series. April 18th 1987, the Easter Epic. The Capitals didn't get a point that night and the Islanders won a series and a fan for life.

Get on the bus

Day after day, Ralph has proclaimed that he is not on the bus with all those believing that Singletary is the answer for the 49ers. At the opening of yesterday's show, he announced that he has "left his house and is now at the bus station". However, he's still not ready to buy a ticket.

This inspired me to do a little number crunching. At this point in the 49ers season, they have played 7 games under Mike Nolan and 7 games under Mike Singletary. A perfect time to see how the team has performed under each coach. I broke the numbers down into the following two tables of offense and defense. I could bore you all by analyzing each category and why Singletary has made a difference because of this and that, but I think these numbers speak for themselves.

Nolan-Singletary 7-game breakdown
OFFENSE	NOLAN	SINGLETARY
1st Downs	117	136
Total Yards	2096	2250
Passing	1379	1572
Rushing	717	678
Penalties	53-402	37-283
3rd Down Conversions	21-76 27.6%	46-101 45.5%
Turnovers	18	12
Possession	28:28:36	31:55:43

DEFENSE	NOLAN	SINGLETARY
1st Downs	141	112
Total Yards	2376	2229
Passing	1519	1631
Rushing	857	598
3rd Down Conversions	39-96 40.6%	33-92 35.9%
Turnovers	10	6

For Ralph to keep harping that Singletary is not making a difference is absolutely ridiculous when you look at these stats. The decrease in penalties and increase in 3rd down efficiency are clear signs of good coaching and an inspired football team. Not that we want you on board Ralph, but this bus is leaving the station.

Teixeira is not Jesus

If you've listened to the Razor and Mr. T show over the past few weeks there is no way you could have missed Ralph's incessant lobbying for the Giants to go after Mark Teixeira. Ralph makes Teixeira sound like the 2nd coming. I agree that Teixeira is a better than average ball player, but I don't think you can put him up in the ranks of Alex Rodriguez or Albert Pujols.

This is a player that the Angels acquired from the Braves in exchange for Casey Kotchman and Steve Marek on June 29th of last year. If Teixeira is so great, why didn't the Braves get more for him? Better yet, why didn't they hold onto him so that they could attempt to re-sign him? Not to take anything away from Kotchman and Marek, Casey is a decent first baseman and Marek has been impressive so far in the minor leagues, but these are not household names. Imagine if the Cardinals were to trade Pujols. Would the Giants be able to pick him up by shipping off Renteria and Alex Hinshaw?

Ralph was bursting with pride yesterday when the news broke that the Angels, Nats, and Orioles had made offers to Teixeira approximately in the range that Ralph had told Sabean that the Giants should offer him. He even replayed 5 minutes of the interview from last week just to prove that he had stated those numbers. Now, those numbers mean absolutely nothing because the Red Sox have entered the ring. Teixeira will most likely get his 8-10 years and be close to Arod's 27.5 million a year. The Giants can't compete with that kind of money with Barry "the noose" Zito's contract and Timmy needing his money in a couple years.

The Giants are not one Tex away from competing for a ring anyway. They have many more holes to fill before adding one bat to the lineup is going to make any difference. Who would protect Teixeira in the lineup? Molina? Rowand? The faithful at AT&T would have to bring the chicken wall back.

I'm happy with what Sabean has done so far. He's shored up the bullpen with Howry and Affeldt and he's filled the shortstop position with a little more pop with Renteria. I'm excited to see how the kids do for a full season. Sandoval, Burriss, Lewis, Velez, and Ishikawa should make for an intriguing and exciting year. If the pitching staff is as great as it appears, the offense will be able to provide enough runs to win more than the experts think.

Sabean should hold tight and start looking at the 2010 market for players like Hank Blalock, Carlos Delgado, Jason Bay, and Chipper Jones. These players can fill the holes that the Giants need to compete and won't break the bank. Of course, if Manny wants to patrol left field at AT&T for a couple of years, I'd take it.

Tuesday Tidbits

Local team articles for Tuesday

Lowry update

Roenick injury

Furcal gone

Nostalgia

Remember when players actually cared about winning. Will Clark was the best.

Misquoted

Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.
We've heard it hundreds of times at the end of every Razor and Mr. T broadcast. Ralph quoting G. K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy from the chapter entitled "The Eternal Revolution"

The really sad thing is, Chesterton is being misquoted. The actual quote is "Angels can fly because they can take themselves lightly." You would think that someone who believes himself to be so intellectually superior than the rest of us, would say his favorite quote accurately. It's just another example of Ralph's elitism biting him in the ass.

Ralph, when asked what the quote means, stated "It's a way of saying that on a bigger plane of existence, all this means nothing"

Well it might mean nothing to you, but I'm sure Chesterton, now that he's gone to the higher plane of existence if you believe in that sort of thing, would prefer that you quoted him accurately or not at all.

It just strikes me as odd that if it all means nothing, then why are Ralph's panties so far up his ass over the Giants lineup. Hypocrisy....thy name is Barbieri.

Monday Morning Musings

Not quite ready to start the work week, here are some articles about local teams to continue the procrastination:

Bonds not ready to hang 'em up

Singletary defends play-calling

A's make offer to Furcal

Amicis

I hope people were just listening to Ralph's Amici's commercial during the last break. I could not believe what he was saying. The whole spot was just Ralph praising himself for being their spokesman and being a great part(if not the main part) of all of Amici's success.

This is supposed to be a spot to pump up the pizza Ralph, not yourself. A few quotes that I quickly jotted down.

I have a real sense of accomplishment....when I started doing their spots they only had like 4 restaurants. Now they have.. like.. I think 12 or so.

I was the only guy doing any commercials.

Ralph has to point out it was he and only he that was doing Amici commercials. It was all Ralph that discovered this pizza and made it the success that it is today. Amici's business model had nothing to do with it. This small commercial bit was the epitome of why I despise this man. It would be great if Tom would do the same thing with one of his McDonalds commercials. That would be classic.

The Sabean Snicker

I listened to most of the show yesterday and Ralph left me with very little material. He tried to prompt Manny Lawson into a discussion over Singletary getting the permanent head coaching job, but Manny didn't take the bait. Don Nelson was just overall giddy to actually win a game the other night, so there was nothing there. The callers were the usual, whereby, if they agree with Ralph then they get to talk and if they disagree then Ralph yells over them with his own opinion followed by the caller being disconnected. All that being said:

If you listened to the beginning of the show, Ralph read the Sabean quotes from the John Shea article from the chronicle, while giggling with glee the whole time.

Ralph you are not the reason that Sabean is blowing up and dropping the F-bomb on the media. I know that you love to make yourself feel all powerful in your mind by believing that your opinions and words can have such a profound effect on people.

You believe that you drove Armando Benitez out of town with your constant barrage of Sabean. While putting together the Messenger/Benitez deal, I'm positive Sabean was thanking you for pointing out, at every possible opportunity, Benitez' multiple faults. I hear that general manager's of baseball teams don't often get to evaluate their talent, so thank god he had you as head scout.

You believe that you changed Bochy's mind about letting Lincecum pitch deeper into games because you threw a 2-year old's temper tantrum when attending a Giants game with your son and Bochy took away your favorite toy that you had enjoyed playing with for 7 innings. Why shouldn't Bochy risk his franchise player in a meaningless game so that YOU can enjoy your toy for two more innings?

You are not the bus driver for Monta Ellis. That bus had been filled long before you even bought a ticket.

Sabean gives you about as much thought as Pitt gives Aniston while he's donkey-punching the tomb raider. Please stop thinking that you make a difference with our local teams. You don't.

Got Milk?

Ralph and Tom had Steve Young on from the SF 49ers for his weekly interview. I really wish Ralph could go one interview with Steve Young without mentioning milk. For those who don't know, Steve Young is mormon, so he does not drink alcohol because of his religion. So this is why Ralph thinks its absolutely hilarious to always bring up Steve Young drinking milk anytime there is the slightest inference that alcohol should be involved. This joke is not funny. It wasn't funny when he said it the first time and still remains unfunny as he repeats it week after week when Steve comes on every Wednesday.

Ralph managed during yesterday's interview to get his hilarious milk joke in twice. Here are the two instances:

Tom Tolbert played basketball for the University of Arizona. Steve Young played football for BYU. For those that aren't keeping up with the plethora of bowl games, BYU and Arizona are playing in this year's Las Vegas Bowl. So of course, Tom being the gambler that he is must make a wager with Steve. As the two of them are tossing ideas back and forth about what they can wager, Ralph has to interject with his lightning wit with.....wait for it..........wait for it.............

If steve wins he wins a giant carton of milk or something

Wow. That's funny. I think my favorite part is the "or something". Steve and Tom just completely ignore this interruption and continue to discuss the wager as Ralph ,as he always does after one of his pathetic attempts at humor, is cackling away in the background. The joke is played Ralph. Please stop using it. However, as if this wasn't enough milk references for one interview, he once again chimes in here:

Towards the end of the interview, Tom and Steve return to the wager and again start discussing terms. During this discussion, Ralph decides he will again astound the listeners with his snappy wit by stating that the wager should be..........wait.........its gonna be good......wait for it....................

a case of beer and a case of milk

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. Oh my god that's funny. My tummy hurts. Ralph Barbieri is the embodiment of funny. Ha Ha Ha Ha. Seriously sad.

Another amazing witticism that Ralph dropped twice during this interview talking about the BYU-Arizona game is the following:

arizona takes a mormon beat down

Why is this funny? Does he believe that if you just throw mormon into any statement it becomes funny? Lets see.....Your mama is a mormon. Nope not seeing it.

He followed each iteration with a minute of unrestrained, boisterous laughter. I'm going to go watch re-runs of Benny Hill so that I can keep the good times rolling.

Not Funny!

Saltalamacchia?

Ralph and Tom interviewed the GM of the SF Giants on Tuesday night and Ralph (as usual) was so inept in his baseball knowledge that it led Brian Sabean to actually just sit silently while dead air ran over the KNBR waves. Here are my favorite RalphMoments from this inteview:

Ralph: I mean can you see where it would be disappointing to a lot of Giants fans Brian...I love Randy Winn. I mean he's been solid for the last few years. But he's really a number two hitter. He's not really a leadoff hitter. Molina's really a number 6 hitter. He's not really a cleanup hitter clogging up the basepaths with his lack of speed again. I mean I guess last year i think everybody gave you a pass because they were excited to see the young players but to throw this lineup out there again uh Lewis...I'm not even sure....

Ralph does this a lot. He leads into one of his questions with a laundry list of things he knows or at least believes he knows about the subject. I always feel so sorry for the person being interviewed cause they have to listen to him gloat his so-called knowledge about something for 5 minutes before he actually gets to his question. Luckily, Sabean has been on the show enough to understand this about Ralph and cuts him off before he can go on for another five minutes giving his expert opinion on the Giants whole roster to the man who created the roster. Also, to steal from multiple sources, I hate the term "clogging up the basepaths." What is so wrong about being on base? Last I looked, you have to be on base to score. Please everyone stop using this ridiculous phrase.

Sabean (cutting off Ralph): Ralph, you can't make a move for the sake of making a move. At the end of the season, we've pretty much known who's going to be in the market including the trade market and we've pretty much thoroughly investigated that whomever you'd give up including Sanchez (Jonathan Sanchez) as I pointed out in the press briefing. They have warts. They have a year left on the contract and then they go into free agency. We're not going to do that. There's somebody out there that's probably a defensive liability that's not going to help us out that much more in terms of being an all around player. As you go through each scenario and the fact that we are looking for infield options versus we don't need outfield options and some of the outfield options that are available on a "power basis" are so inept defensively that it would be counter productive. You only can do what you can do. You can't make a move for sake of making a move.

Sabean is quite perturbed at this point with Ralph. You can tell that he hates having to defend his moves and lack of moves with this moron. He states his case very concisely that he's looked over all the options out there and that there isn't anything that looks right for the Giants right now. So according to Sabean he has looked everywhere, turned over every stone, kicked every tire, but Ralph being the all-knowing, omniscient being that he is has THE SOLUTION:

Ralph: What about Saltalamacchia?

Holy Shit. Where in the world did he pull this obscure player from? Obviously, Ralph overheard somebody somewhere talking about Jarrod Saltalamacchia and figured he'd drop this little gem on Sabean to show just what a baseball genius he is. Jesus. I love Sabean's response to this as he can barely hold himself back from flat out calling Ralph a complete idiot.

Sabean(Laughing): Saltalamacchia...Why?

Seriously...Why? Well Ralph has the perfect response to such a query into his genius.

Ralph: Because I understand that he can play some first base

Brilliant. Simply brilliant. You know..... I can play some first base. Perhaps if you're reading Brian you could give me a shot. You'll only have to give up Jonathan Sanchez. You know that pitcher that has been steadily improving year after year and seems about to break out as a dependable number two if not number one starter. That's all. And then you get ME who can "play some first base". Seems logical.

Sabean: Why would Texas give up a young player like that? I'm missing the point

The point is Brian that there is no point. Ralph was just trying to show off that he actually knew who Jarrod Saltalamacchia was or that he could just pronounce his name correctly which he didn't. By the way, number of games played by Saltalamacchia at 1st base at the major league level: 0.

Ralph continues to strafe Sabean with multiple names of people that he'd like to see Sabean go after including Randy Johnson. This is where Sabean just gives up and stops talking which leads to about 5 seconds of dead air. I love when guests hate Ralph as much as I do and I believe Sabean may even hate him more. God bless you Brian Sabean.

Why?

I am starting this blog because for the last 5 years I have been commuting from South San Francisco to Santa Clara listening to the Razor and Mr. T on KNBR 680 and I am tired of just screaming alone in my car at Ralph Barbieri's pompous, holier than thou attitude. A few examples of Ralph being Ralph recently that have pushed me to finally starting this blog:

1. Criticizing Barry Zito for his charity Strikeouts for Troops.
2. The Lincecum debacle over his pitch count
3. God damn annoying as hell Amici's commercials
4. Mike Singletary rants
5. That awful send off every night of "Angels fly because they take themselves lightly"

This is why. I can't take it anymore and I have to vent somewhere. I will not be using old Ralph material to fill this blog. I will be listening and posting about his daily shows going forward. Thanks for reading and stay tuned.